Growing up in Small Town USA there were only really two things to do on Sunday. One was put on your finest Wal-Mart Sunday best and head on down to the center of town to sing praise unto the Lord Jesus Christ or stay home and relish in the fact that you don’t have to put on pants at all and you get to eat breakfast at a normal hour in front of your television while watching PBS or Hercules or Xena Warrior Princess. When Rev. Danny Miller would come calling to fetch our souls to be saved my father would kindly smile, say fuck you and close the door in his face before looking at my sisters and I who would be rolling in fits of laughter on the floor declaring that Sunday would be Pancake Day. Cheers and accolades would ring across the valley as we eagerly sat at the table, knife and fork posed at the ready to devour homemade pancakes with butter and syrup. 
If my father was feeling particularly generous, and growing up in the insipid Reagan era sometimes generosity was a luxury, we got fried potatoes and scrambled eggs. Needless to say Sundays were always a fun day in our home and with our bellies filled with pancake goodness we would do our chores with moderate grumbling and a hell of a lot of complaining. We were kids. It’s like part of the code. You do chores, you bitch about it and then you still do them. No privilege here folks.
As my adolescence waned and I found myself locked in the doldrums of adulthood, the Sunday breakfasts shared with my family soon became nothing but a faint memory in my brain as I now woke up on Sundays to serve fried chicken to those lovely church folk who wandered into KFC in their Wal-Mart Sunday best at 11 am. I hated it. I wanted my weekends back but working in the fast food industry you don’t always get the luxury of having a set established schedule and you do what you gotta do to make the monies to pay the bills. It wasn’t until I found myself in corporate America working a rather white-collar type job that I started to enjoy my weekends. But being single, somewhat anti-social I still 
didn’t bother making breakfast and resorted to bowls of cereal or whatever leftovers I had in my fridge at the time. Queue the introduction of friends and Kyle into my life in my mid twenties and I now had places to be on Sunday, people to see and yes breakfast to make. Pancakes, biscuits and gravy, SOS, french toast. All the wonderful things that happen when you actually leave your apartment and go socialize with other human beings who aren’t just disembodied voices on the other side of your computer monitor :O HALLELUJAH THEY DO EXIST IN NATURE! Breakfast will probably always be to me the most important meal of the day. And I will have it any time of the day.
Another thing that I enjoy is a good beer. Kyle and I on a random road trip through Minnesota and Wisconsin wandered across a small little town called Chippewa Falls which is home to Leinenkugel Brewery. After playing a rousing game of winner take all rock, paper, scissors I lost and instead of going to some random zoo we ended up going to the
brewery to see what it was all about. Probably the best loss ever because both Kyle and I fell in love with the brewery and their beer. If you notice them in your grocery cooler please give them a try they are an amazing beer. Plus they rip on Anheuser Busch which to me, living in St. Louis is pretty fucking awesome because that beer is piss.
This morning I woke up and the desire to go into the office for overtime was not there. Plus I had to wait for the DirecTV guy to show up for our installation so I decided what better thing to do then make breakfast, drink some coffee, maybe play a rousing hour or two of For Honor or Assassins Creed. I looked for the maple syrup and realized that I had used it a few weeks ago for a different project and that I didn’t have any artificial fake Aunt Jemima crap and the craving for pancakes deepened and became hard to ignore. After looking around I decided to crack open up our Explorer Sample pack of Leinis and see what we had stowed away. Heart of Oak, IPL, a Pale Ale and the Big Butt Dopplebock smiled back at me from the cardboard box. It was the Doppelbock that made me smile because well, it’s called Big Butt and I have a big butt.
![IMG_20170219_094436[1].jpg](https://kimchiismygatewaydrug.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/img_20170219_0944361.jpg?w=311&h=233)
Making syrup normally only really requires 2 ingredients. Your liquid of choice and sugar and normally its a 1:1 ratio so if making a simple syrup for tea you would use 1 cup of water to 1 cup of sugar. With simple syrup you want to combine the water and sugar until dissolved and then transfer to a container for later use. These can be used to flavor cocktails, iced teas (because normal white sugar doesn’t dissolve in cold water) or even
your coffee. For the purpose of turning this into a sort of pancake syrup we want to take it a step further. We want to reduce the volume of the liquid ala evaporation to thicken it without needing to add a crap ton of syrup and intensify the flavor of the beer. For this recipe you will need beer (preferably a stout or a lager), sugar & vanilla
Pour your beer into a medium-sized sauce pan and then add your sugar and vanilla. I didn’t know this when I started but adding sugar to a freshly foamed beer causes some massive foam head to happen. It’s kind of like vinegar meets baking soda only not as violent and a little cooler. Take your pan to the stove and put over a medium heat and stir to dissolve the sugar to discourage burning. NO BURNING NO BAD..NO. Like I said earlier you’ll want to make sure you watch this to make sure it doesn’t bubble up and get everywhere. I got distracted by my cats in the window but was quickly reminded that I had something cooking, turned around and it was quickly creeping up the side of the pan. None of that nonsense dammit! While stirring isn’t really required for non alcohol simple syrups it is for when using beer as your liquid because of all the CO2 that is in it. It creates a lot of foam that needs to be tamed. After about 45 minutes (keep in mind I was using a tiny pan at first) I was rewarded in my quest for beer syrup with a caramel vanilla Bavarian syrup to go on my oatmeal pancakes. It set up pretty quickly once removed from the pan so I can see me needing to gently warm this to make it fluid for any additional
applications. But I think it’s pretty bad ass and will definitely be a motivator for me to be more of a social breakfast day drinker. I mean what can go wrong with drinking alcohol at like 10 am. They do it all the time for brunch in the version of bloody marys and mimosa and I’m a huge advocate of drinking bloody marys before noon any day of the week. Especially on Mondays.
So since this adventure was all about breakfast and originally I was wanting to make a coffee stout pancake type syrup I was wanting to pair it up with oatmeal to keep that whole “no occifer I’ve only had breakfast today..I don’t drink and drive” mentality going. Because I’m a law-abiding citizen who would never drive will under the influence of any sort of substance…..*nudges the reader…did you buy that?*. So oatmeal pancakes. Pretty simple and straight forward and doesn’t require a whole hell of a lot of time or planning. Basic homemade pancake ingredients with oatmeal tossed in for shits and giggles.
In a large bowl you’ll want to place your rolled oats (don’t use quick cooked they will get 
soggy) and pour your milk over them and allow to soak for 5 minutes. This will give you plenty of time to yell at your cat no he can’t go outside or to remember that you were brewing coffee, or to finish off a bottle of beer because you may have “accidentally” not poured all of it into the saucepan for the syrup. “accidentally” no I’ve got a drinking problem and I’m not ashamed of it. Because you know acceptance is the first step to self-awareness or is it self awareness is the first step to acceptance…I dunno I started drinking at 9 am. I’m a winner! To your soaked oats you’ll want to add all your other ingredients and mix. It will be a thin batter because of the fact we only are using 3/4 of a cup of flour. And then you follow pancake protocol. Spray your griddle with cooking spray or lightly coat with oil. Pour, cook on one side till brown and flip over repeating process until ALL your little pancakes are finished.
Toss on a plate with some homemade honey butter (check out my post about kinky baking weekends 2 weeks ago) and drizzle on your beer syrup and enjoy. You can share if you want to but I’m a sad non social drunk so I prefer to eat these alone at home with nothing but guilt to keep me company and regret that I’m hurting my family hanging over my head. Pretty sure this is also okay for the kids considering you will cook out any alcohol in the beer and leave only the taste of it and even then the sugars have caramelized that you don’t even realize that it’s beer. But if that isn’t your thing because well you’re one of 
these old-fashioned individuals who frowns on contributing to the delinquency of a minor just serve up the pancakes with normal syrup or honey. Still great no matter how you spin it. Serve with honey butter, beer syrup (honey, maple syrup, etc) maybe a link or two of sausage if you have it, some scrambled eggs or simply a cup of coffee or a bourbon..whichever you have lying around 🙂
Now since I’m all carbed up with my morning fill of alcohol I’m going to go wait for the DirecTV guy to show up and give me full access to the wonders that is satellite television. MA IVE MADE IT!!!!
Bavarian Beer Syrup
- 2 cups beer (any kind probably will work)
- 1 cup sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
In a medium size saucepan pour in beer, sugar and vanilla and stir till combined. Bring to a simmer and allow to reduce till a thick syrup forms. Stir often to discourage burning and to stop it from foaming over. Transfer to your serving dish and enjoy (wow so complicated!)
Oatmeal Pancakes
- 2 cups milk
- 1 1/2-2 cups rolled oats
- 2 eggs
- 3/4 cup flour
- 2 tbsp sugar
- 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
- 1 tsp salt
In a large bowl allow oats to soak in milk for 5 minutes. Combine remaining ingredients and allow to sit while griddle heats up on a medium heat. The batter will be thin. Pour 1/3 cup of batter and allow to cook till top set and then flip over cooking till done. Transfer to a warm oven until complete. Serve with honey butter, beer syrup (honey, maple syrup, etc) maybe a link or two of sausage if you have it, some scrambled eggs or simply a cup of coffee or a bourbon..whichever you have lying around 🙂
. The deceased debutante pulls back the cover of the holy water to reveal a bowl full of spaghetti, extra oregano and says “I’ve made your favorite. Spaghetti. With lots of oregano. VERONICA DINNER!!!” and slams Winona’s face into the bowl of complex carbohydrates covered with the simmered saucy goodness. This phrase had become a permanent part of my culinary lexicon and every time I make spaghetti now I can’t help but reminisce back to the good old days of 1992 when I first saw the movie and how I truly related to J.D and his angsty desire to blow up the school during a pep assembly by strapping a bomb to the boiler room….>.>…..<.<….um..anyways….
It’s been one I’ve been holding on out getting until it either went on sale or went on sale and I had a surplus of Kohl’s cash and gift cards to warrant me spending absolutely nothing on it. It finally happened. Last week I busted out the remnants of the wedding gift cards with expressed consent from my loving husband *who lets face it, he would pretty much let me buy anything kitchen wise as long as it didn’t cost me a grand* and set forth to purchase my long-awaited Kitchenaid accessory. It’s pretty much the only one I wanted with the exception of maybe a second Kitchenaid which I will some day own. I want two..for multitasking. STOP JUDGING ME!!!! So I decided today would be the day I would crack open that box and bust a pasta cherry. I’ve made homemade pasta before. My mom has a hand cranked pasta maker which I enjoy using but sometimes you just want something that isn’t going to require you vicegripping something to your countertop that you can use with one hand while you drink a glass of wine with the other. Don’t think that you need to drop a few hundred $$ to make pasta. People have been making it for centuries without the aid of an electronic gadget and when I’m in the mood and need to vent some frustrations because my job is driving me absolutely bonkers I relish the idea of knowing that I am going to beat the ever-loving shit out of some dough and roll away the tension. But I normally end up pretty bruised on my forearms from pressing hard on my rolling-pin aka wizard staff and I’d rather not be bombarded with questions about whether or not I feel safe in my own home…It’s happened…I bruise like a Georgia peach.
purpose), semolina flour, water & olive oil. That’s it. Plus I have a quick go to pasta sauce that I’m going to share that helps out in a pinch when you don’t have access to nice vine ripened tomatoes because it’s still technically winter and you live in the midwest.
a dough scraper to start folding in the outside walls of Mt Semolina in on itself. If you don’t have a dough scraper simply collapse the mound in with your fingers and continue folding and kneading until it forms a rough ball of dough which kinda looks like the moon. Okay it doesn’t but it’s not smooth. Transfer the ball of dough to a ziplock bag and walk away. Yes that’s right. Walk away from it for about an hour. Go take a shower, run to the store, have a quick make out session with your significant other or perfect stranger. We want to give the dough time to relax due to the fact that during the kneading process, gluten was created and we need for it to take a break and relax to create a soft supple dough that will be easy to either roll out for hand cutting or be fed through a machine without causing too much strain on the machine, your nerves and the dough itself. Plus the additional time allows the flour to thoroughly hydrate.
at the end. Taking your dough you are going to want to cut it in half and place the unused portion back in the bag to keep it from drying out. Knead a few times back into a ball and taking your rolling-pin you’re going to want to gently roll it out so that it can feed through the pasta attachment easier. For the Kitchenaid the largest setting is 1. Turn your mixer to speed 2 and slowly start to feed your dough in. It will struggle at first but after the second or third time you’ve passed it through it won’t sound like it’s a 1982 bright orange Volvo going up a steep hill and about to die. This is just my own personal preference but after I feed the dough through for the first few times I fold it in half and give it a second pass. I crank the dial up to 2 and give it two-three passes. Set it to 3 and then 4. You may need to cut your dough into sheets if it gets to long to manage on your own. I ended up doing that for mine and did it in two sheets before swapping out to the spaghetti attachment. I wish I had gotten pics of what it looked like coming out but I had originally meant for this post to be about sweet potato ravioli with brown butter sauce but decided to forgo that idea for now and save it for later. I.e I ate the raviolis before I got pictures of them..DAMN MY TUMMY!!!! Anyways you only really get one shot once you put it through the spaghetti attachment. After that it’s decision time. Do you use it now or save it for later? If saving for later you can lie it flat on a flour dusted cookie sheet or if you’re creative and kookie like me you can drape it over a new coat hanger you bought specifically for this and put it in your pantry to dry out
Or ya know you can ask a friend out for a girl’s afternoon out and ham it up a bit. Though there is nothing wrong with being polyamorous.. A large majority of my friends are polyamorous. The girl I went on a date is polyamorous and I love her to utter bits. I am not anti poly. I am pro poly…ALL THE POLY!
I was immediately in love as I was wrapped up in the aroma of tea, soup, scones, pasties (not nipple covers folks..not those pasties). The atmosphere was warm and inviting and while rather small for space (at least in the front room) you didn’t feel cramped or crowded. We mulled over our decisions and I aptly ordered an earl grey with milk and a few tasty treats. Krystal ordered some sort of sweet matcha latte which I found pleasant and refreshing. We hid ourselves in the back room, the front of the tea house was crowded which given the fact it was a Friday afternoon at around noon made me wonder how many of the patrons had played hookie that day or were in fact trying to hide their licentious activities behind a blueberry scone with Devon double cream. What was only to have been an hour tea turned into a two-hour talk with us exchanging war stories about the trials and tribulations of matrimony. It was a lovely time and will be a reoccurring date place for the two of us in the near future.
and I didn’t have 12 hours to wait before I sunk my teeth into a warm scone (not a biscuit dammit!). So I opted instead to pair it with some butter and jam. Only problem was I only had enough butter for the recipe. How in the hell can that happen when you’re as avid of a chef as I am? And then I remembered the popcorn binge from earlier in the week. Double damn! But luckily, redemption was hidden behind the milk and the kimchi in the form of a quart of heavy cream (insert hallelujah angelic chords of happiness here!). I shall have my afternoon tea after all and to quote the Mad Hatter “It’s always tea time!”.
Prior to starting you will want to ensure that your butter is very cold. I will cut it into small pieces and then place it in the freezer while I’m gathering the rest of my supplies. I also have a tendency to keep a stick of butter already cut into tablespoon pieces in a ziplock bag in the freezer as a just in case. Having well chilled butter will ensure that when its cut into the flour that you wont end up with a gloopy mess. Cutting the butter simply means taking knife, fork, pastry blender, food processor and incorporating the butter into your flour to make a fine crumb which will help for a flakier, tender end product. If you have to big of pieces of fat, as they heat and melt they will leave large gaping holes in your pastry. The only holes I like are in my cheese and um….well other places but that’s another blog and we don’t discuss such lascivious activities here.
Taking a rolling-pin which has also been dusted, gently roll the dough out till it is roughly 3 cm in height. Because of the baking powder added they will rise so don’t fret if you think they are too small. Dip your biscuit cutter into your flour and slowly press into your dough to cut into your scone shape. If you don’t have a biscuit cutter a glass with a thin edge will work perfectly well. If for some reason you don’t have a glass and prefer to drink out of an old rusty can that once housed lima beans and you can’t bring to throw it away because you have too much sentimental attachment that um yeah I guess you can use that, and get a few rounds of “mild” ECT therapy. Or ya know, um yeah. You need help.
Prudhomme’s original specialty was blackened redfish. The food is customarily rubbed with a Cajun spice mixture before being cooked. The extra-hot skillet combined with the seasoning rub gives food an extra-crispy crust. It now can be applied to a myriad (ooooooh fancy again!) of different proteins.
Now depending on whatever protein you use will determine if you need to add an oil to the surface. Since we are doing fish in this post you wont need any additional oil. Just gently blot off any moisture off of both sides and sprinkle evenly on both sides covering completely. If using this from a bulk batch, pour some rub into a separate bowl to avoid any potential cross contamination. To many times have I not paid attention and put hands that have touched raw food back into a big batch of rub only to instantly go “GOD DAMMIT!!!” and grumble that I have to throw it all away or figure out how to use it on every single piece of raw meat in my house and cook it in that instance. When it doubt, pour some out..
spatula and cook until firm to touch and flaky (this seems like such an oxymoron. Firm to touch but you can flake it off easily..Firm but fragile..Fuck it just say cooked dammit..Why you gotta be so pretentious cooking instructions?!). Transfer your fish to a plate while you finish cooking the remaining portions and then enjoy the fish of your labor.
probably be because you’re a zombie.
Kimchi is my gateway drug 